


you're okay

by therennovels



Series: five x reader one shots [4]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Five Hargreeves x reader - Freeform, The Umbrella Academy - Freeform, five hargreeves - Freeform, please take care of yourself reading this, this was self indulgent, trigger warning self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 11:23:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29873919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therennovels/pseuds/therennovels
Summary: TW: self harm, this is a little self indulgent piece. i just needed to hear these words tonight so i figured i would share them, just in case someone else needed to hear them too. understand you are not alone. i know all of us are trying to survive this pandemic and if the only thing you are doing is surviving, that is a okay. no one is expected to thrive in this. i love you, five loves you, were all gonna be okay bitches.  messages and requests are open if you need a friend or a story.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy)/Reader
Series: five x reader one shots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2196372
Kudos: 7





	you're okay

“You’re doing it again aren’t you?” You dropped the lighter into the drawer beneath you and quickly shut it, knowing fully well, it was too late. He had already saw. You didn’t know if you should try to deny it so you kinda just sat there, waiting for some words to come to you to at least explain it, but nothing came. You weren’t even sure why you were doing it. You just stared at your desk. He walks further into your room and stops next to you at your desk and offers his hand. You look up at him before taking it. He leads you over to your bed and sits next to you. You weren’t sure when you started crying, you didn’t even notice you were before he brought his hand up to wipe away the tears. 

“Why are you even here?”

“I missed you.”

“A warning would have been nice.”

“I never tell you when I’m coming, you know that.” He’s trying his best to make light of the situation but you know he’s going to want to know what’s going on. He’s never caught you in the act before but he’s seen the marks and asked questions. That time you were able to dodge most of the questions by promising to never do it again, this time however, you knew you weren’t going to be able to get out of it. You know he loves you, but you also know who he is. Five isn’t the most, emotionally available person, you could say. That’s why you never went to him when you were feeling like this. You were scared he would see you as weak and leave. But here you were, unable to escape his gaze. 

“If you’re going to say something just please say it, you looking at me like this is making me feel worse.” You look down at your hands, not wanting to meet his eyes. 

“Can I see them? Please.” He doesn’t move a muscle until you give him permission, then he gently lifts up your wrists to inspect the marks. He brushes his fingers over them and you wince. You’re preparing yourself to hear whatever “you should never have done this” speech he has prepared but you’re shocked at his next move. He brings your wrist up to his lips and kisses the marks. It stings a little but it didn’t bother you, although the very act was what sent you over the edge. You started crying and you couldn’t stop. You were so incredibly embarrassed, he had never seen you this vulnerable before. You couldn’t stand him looking at you any longer so you got up off of your bed and faced the opposite wall. He stayed seats. 

“Tell me what you need. Please.” You turn around to face him, tears still plastered on your face but you put up the best front you could muster. 

“I just want to feel okay again. I know that’s stupid and you’ve been through so much more than me and you still don’t do this but I haven’t felt like a person in almost 7 months. I need to feel again.” He sees you start to get worked up again and gets up to hug you. Normally, you would back away from him but tonight, you just needed to let it happen. You don’t know how long you stayed crying in his arms. He brought you back to the bed, this time laying you down beside him and holding you in his arms while he gently stroked your arm.

“My past does not invalidate yours. You are allowed to feel things, you have had a difficult past and its hard when you don’t know how to handle it. I know I’m not the best person when it comes to stuff like this, I have a feeling that’s why you didn’t tell me but I want to be here for you, let me be here for you please. I can’t stand to see you hurting. Tell me how I can help you. If you can’t speak right now that’s fine just please let me stay with you until you feel safe.” 

You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him and tell him that he is the only good thing in your life and how you never want to make him upset. But nothing came out. You laid there in his arms and curled up further. 

“I’m not mad at you. I could never be. I promise.” You didn’t think you needed to hear that but you did. You took a deep breath and finally were able to string words together. 

“I can’t think about it anymore tonight. All I need right now is this.” He looks down at you and kisses your forehead. 

“That is fine. When you’re ready though, I am going to need you to tell me what’s going on. I want to be there for you and I want to give you everything you need to get better, whatever it takes okay. I’m going to take your lighters too okay. That’s not going to be an argument, I’m telling you now so you know and are prepared. I’m taking them.”

You knew he was going to say that, you also knew he needed to do that or you were going to be tempted to do it again. 

“I’m sorry you had to deal with me like this Five.” 

“Hey.” He gets up and turns you to him so he can cup your face. “Don’t. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone before. When I fell in love with you, I fell in love with your best self and your worst. You’ve seen me at my highest and my lowest and you stood by my side the whole time. It’s my turn to take care of you, my love.” You hug him so tight and he strokes the back of your head. “We’re going to be alright, you and me.” You smile at him and lay back down on his chest. That night you feel asleep in his arms, the safest you’ve felt in a long time. You knew tomorrow would bring its own set of issues but seeing the way that Five treated you tonight, you knew you wouldn’t be going through it alone.


End file.
